Day 0: The Resolve

I suppose I should have used “The Resolution” as my title, but my devotion to art will not allow me to use words that are more appropriate. Those of you who are true artists will understand what I mean. By obfuscating meanings, we hide our mediocrity from the world.

I wanted this blog to be about personal discovery and poop. I have learned much about these twinned concepts, mainly from the legions of proctologists and colorectal surgeons who have seen fit to leave comments and emails. 90 Day Henry has become its own entity. At the end of this hellishly introspective journey, I’m still left with my disdain for popular culture and I now have a rash that is exacerbated by brown rice and certain types of Tibetan chanting. I was horribly embarrassed by the number of people who caught me on my blatant plagiarism of Chuck Palahniuk. I honestly didn’t realize there were so many people out there who go to movies starring Edward Norton and Brad Pitt. What is a guy to do, if by citing sources he reveals his mediocrity? Some of you are heartless, unfeeling bastards. I’m looking at you, people who are even now fighting and dying in two wars it serves my solipsistic purpose to ignore. Selfish of you, isn’t it? What about my feelings? What about me?

My closeness to this art may have made it seem real to many of you. I want to assure you all that this project was indeed art, and not the emo equivalent of pulling the fire alarm in a public building. It was art, and not a pathetic, bottom feeding cry for attention, capitalizing on the most troubled members of our society. It was art, and not an attempt to feel smarter than everybody, or to feed my preconceptions about how people are mean and expect me to do things for myself. It was art, I promise. Stop rolling your eyes! I’m as serious as clown shoes on this point.

It is my feeling that the internet exhibits the best and worst of human communication. I know that is a profound thought, never before said by anyone. Take a moment and let it soak in….is my unique and radiant genius apparent to your tiny mind yet? If I were to die tonight in a horrible blender accident, I feel sure that thought will have validated my entire existence. It may be why I was put on this earth. Fuck poverty, or war, or politics…I made a broad, sweeping generalization about things I barely understand, and that makes me better than you. Mission accomplished.

One positive effect of this experience is all of the emotional voyeurism it allowed me to do. There were so many positive emails, from people who felt the same as I. It was a great accomplishment to harness their energy and support for my own “art”, rather than encourage them to help someone who really needed it. This proves how smart and hip and world wise I am.

Don’t get me wrong - I actually do all of this for you. I’ll prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt by typing that sentence over again.

I actually do all of this for you.

See? I’m glad you feel better and not taken advantage of to serve some emo girl in LA’s desire to have some, any, impact on people. Oops, I meant a guy in Denver…Uh.. Never mind.

I want everyone to know that I have accepted no money for 90 Day Henry. It’s not through lack of trying, though. I’m open to anything – book deals, movies, reality show, anything. Just leave your info in the comments section and we will get together and make more great art together.

To everyone out there – don’t poop in your pants. Four out of five dentists agree it’s not worth it. Just use the facilities and a cleansing technique of your choice.

~Fin~

Real Savage Henry here:

After my little diatribe, and 90 Day Jane’s saccharine bullshit about being an artist you owe it to yourself to check out this guy’s work. THIS man is a true artist.

Well, kids, it was fun for a few days. I'm strangely pissed off by this woman, and I can't stand living in her empty head anymore, even for the few minutes it took me to write these things up every day. I’ll put my regular blog back up in a few days, probably to your great disappointment. In the meantime, I’ll see you on the RMMB.

Semper Fidelis,

Savage Henry