Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Day 86: A Date

I got an e-mail today from a girl at work asking me for a date. I'm not sure what disturbs me more - the fact that she e-mailed me when we work in the same office, or the fact that I'm obviously a fig man.

Let's get real here - if you are going to have the sheer, bloody-minded temerity to ask another human being to rip the Fruit of the Date Palm from Mother Nature's tender embrace, you should at least have the common fucking decency to hire a calypso band and get Abe Vigoda to M.C. the event. What a thoughtless bitch.

I don't like dates too much, anyway. They've become so commercialized, and they come with certain expectations. I feel like I'm "supposed" to be enjoying them. I much prefer Fig or Apple Newtons.

I wonder if this is the attitude that got me here in the first place. Perhaps my violent advocacy on behalf of certain fruits, nuts, and vegetables goes part and parcel with my distaste for the Scott Paper Company and all like minded organizations.



In the spirit of my fast dwindling days with clean trousers, I gave her a prune.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a thoughtless whore. She simply can't grasp the pain you are in.

Anonymous said...

God damn, i hope your blog puts that Jane (ie lonelygirl15 II) to shame ;)

Anonymous said...

aww Henry...even after she did something so thoughtlessly cruel, you were able to reach into your kind heart and give her a gift. What a selfless, selfless man you are. There should be more people like you in this world and less like all the dumb haters who just don't understand you or the importance of what you're trying to achieve. Good luck on the "big day"

cadaver said...

I agree, Dates are far over-rated. I prefer the mango, the kiwi, or my own hybrid crossbreed of mango/kiwi.
I haven't decided whether to name it the Mangiwi or the Kiwango yet. Hmmm...maybe I should give myself 90 days to decide.

Anonymous said...

Mangiwi almost sounds edible, but Kiwango sounds funnier. Both are excellent ideas though, and certainly preferable to those crappy Dates.

phajina said...

hey henry, ive been told you have janes last post. :( i missed it cause of stupid work.

could you please share it with me?

Anonymous said...

I'm suprised YOUR blog hasn't been taken down yet...

Anonymous said...

hey henry,
even though jane was fail, you should follow through with your commitment to show the obvious male superiority over women and make it even more obvious.